I always, always, always get it; this big emotional slump, this dip within my thoughts always hit me after the Valentine/anniversary thing is over. I had a fantastic three days, even though I didn't do anything incredibly out of the ordinary, and today I woke up cranky and annoyed and I am not even sure why. It's not like we can stop time after all. I knew that the Valentine Three Dayer, as I call it, would be just that, three days, but getting out on the other side is a depressing affair all the same.
I guess there are mixed feelings in it for a multitude of reasons, chief amongst them the constant dichotomy of being alone and feeling lonely. They are not one and the same and I think I am not saying anything new there. Then of course there is all of this detestable crap relating to household management which at the moment means sorting out my cracked drive. Earlier today I was writing in my diary (the paper one) that I want everything to end. No more annoyances, anguish, pain, stress, feelings of inadequacy or loneliness. When last week I heard that Alexander McQueen had killed himself I burst into tears as if I had known him personally. People just do not realise how bad life is until one goes out with a hell of a bang and then they look at each other and wonder what they could have done to help. For a start, offer to help, I'd say, and then we'll see.
Yesterday I went to York, which I had only visited in passing many years ago when I stayed at the uni with the fencing team. Well, it is one heck of a charming place and it is true that its cathedral is one of the most beautiful ones. It was sunny but extremely nippy; for a few hours there was just me and beauty itself.